Learn from the mistakes of others

This is a profile i wrote for myself for the house magazine while I was studying in Darwin, late 1996. The underlying HTML was written around the same time, as I put it up on a now non-existent homepage.

Steven Clark, Computer Officer

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Before I came to NTU, I spent some time studying tiny little biological things. Then I played with computers for a while. I’m either versatile, or completely mad. Many of the people who know me well would tend to lean towards the latter over the former. Guess everyone has to have their flaws, I just have so many.

My political opinions have fractal dimensions, and this has saved me from many boring political rallies. I don't get invited because I might either take over the show, or confuse the hell out of everyone. People have a strong tendency towards confusion around me anyway, and political rallies tend to focus peoples' attentions significantly, putting them off guard. There are few things in this world I enjoy more than an attentive audience. Anyone who has met me can testify to that.

Religious types also avoid me, for very similar reasons. I do not get repeat visits from Mormons. They leave confused and scared, and rarely consider that good for their faith. Even Catholic priests avoid talking theology with me. My views are simple, but quickly take on all the features of a Julia set when I'm pressed for details.

What is philosophy for if not to encourage debate and questioning? I've always wondered what went through the minds of the major figures in modern religions when they first began to talk to people about their ideas. Things like, 'Hey, why go around annoying everyone when you could be getting along with them instead.’ (That'd give everyone time to think about more important problems, like - ‘Is there a god anyway?’ and 'Why doesn't he/she/they/it come over for tea occasionally?').

Humour Alert: If you have made it this far and still haven’t recognised anything humorous, give up now. It only gets worse from here on. You can blame the people who let me write this myself. I know I do.

I'm just as likely to be listening to techno or grunge as classical music or blues (I listen to Triple J, OK), so I am very difficult to buy for. My clothing ranges from threadbare (ripped to shreds?) jeans to neat casual - and, I admit, I also own a suit (shudder!). There are some occasions where denim just isn't appropriate - however difficult that may be to believe or understand (I took me a while to grasp this notion myself).

I got hooked on Babylon 5 and Star Trek: Voyager, just before moving up to Darwin, where they are still trying to get through the Star Trek: The Next Generation series. This is like moving from Year 12 back to Year 9. Not only do you already know what is going to happen, but it was barely exciting the first time around.

I have always been easily distracted by attractive women. With aesthetics like mine, it is not easy to pick just who I might find distracting, or why for that matter. It seems the women I find attractive have other plans.

Many of my friends have taken full advantage of this when they want to distract me long enough to escape another conversation at parties. Complete strangers also get the hang of this quite quickly.

I have been told that I exhibit all the style and grace of a ballet dancer on speed, with a massive hangover. This is never more apparent than when I accidentally wander onto a dancefloor where techno or grunge is playing. Any style or grace you see is your fault for getting so drunk. Matched with a solid build and size 10 Doc’s, I can clear myself some floorspace faster than a gang of bouncers at The Vic.

I live in two places. Usually this would mean I live at home and in the library, or at home and the bar. I live in two places which are 3000 kilometres apart. Mail has to try to follow me around the country, and my friends really would like to have some idea where I am so they can call the right number. Making a long distance call only to find I'm just up the road from you is really annoying, so I've been told. My email follows me around like Milo and Otis. I have learned to pack all kinds of things into a suitcase and still pull up under the weight limit. Often this is achieved by bringing two suitcases to share the load.

Oh, yeah, this year. I was a Computer Officer at Casuarina. I think I have done a good job. No one has complained, so far as I know. I also took to sitting at the table outside the Computer Room at all hours of the night with James Murphy and others.

There are times when I wonder if a geek is cut out to be a law student, or awake during the day. I’m not sure which is worse.

The rumours are probably true.

Oh ¼ um ¼ I’m a graduate law student. Yes. Sorry.