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eternal sunshine of the spotless mind [edit]
today has been a huge emotional roller-coaster ride. i am feeling tired and bruised. i very much want the bmw i mentioned earlier.
today i have spent time with centrelink, with an an accused mass murderer, with university beauracracy, with friends, but not with the one friends i'd very much rather have spent the whole day.
i've been on public transport, in a private car, and walked back and forth across the city a few times.
[edit 1]
then i caught up with some friends for our regular (almost) weekly dinner-and-movie night. i realised during the meal that i was feeling emotionally bruised, and a little shell shocked.
[edit 2]
anyway, as i am walking to meet my friends for dinner, i receive an sms. a blunt message. great scene stealer.
i eat. i try conversation. i wonder if there'll ever be a time when i don't have to fight for every scrap of life i have. i just want to live now. please.
[edit 3]
dinner ends. we go to movie. food is good, feel less woozy. realise i've been feeling sick in the stomach for hours now.
then the movie; 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'
this movie is brilliant. the plot well executed. [initially felt like i was watching a dramatisation of the past few hours of my life. not the plot itself, but some of the issues. but i was in a bad place at the time.] by the end, the movie had pulled back up to numb, the kind of numb where you know it's gonna hurt soon, but its ok now. it also had me feeling more positive, hopeful.
from imdb:
after the movie, i switched my phone back on. read a few sms messages and very soon feeling a lot better. still bruised, but better.
i don't want to forget. i can and do forgive. i can't hold grudges - i don't remember things long enough. i give people a chance to change, to move on. the benefit of the doubt. i'm probably insanely naive. maturity seems to be the murder not of innocence but of hope. i'm hoping i'm wrong.
goddess, i could do with a drink. and a break.
to mangle a metaphor, today i've had the wind knocked out of my sails and been becalmed in shark infested waters. but i can see clouds ahead, and as the breeze lifts, i hope for land.
today i have spent time with centrelink, with an an accused mass murderer, with university beauracracy, with friends, but not with the one friends i'd very much rather have spent the whole day.
i've been on public transport, in a private car, and walked back and forth across the city a few times.
[edit 1]
then i caught up with some friends for our regular (almost) weekly dinner-and-movie night. i realised during the meal that i was feeling emotionally bruised, and a little shell shocked.
[edit 2]
anyway, as i am walking to meet my friends for dinner, i receive an sms. a blunt message. great scene stealer.
i eat. i try conversation. i wonder if there'll ever be a time when i don't have to fight for every scrap of life i have. i just want to live now. please.
[edit 3]
dinner ends. we go to movie. food is good, feel less woozy. realise i've been feeling sick in the stomach for hours now.
then the movie; 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'
this movie is brilliant. the plot well executed. [initially felt like i was watching a dramatisation of the past few hours of my life. not the plot itself, but some of the issues. but i was in a bad place at the time.] by the end, the movie had pulled back up to numb, the kind of numb where you know it's gonna hurt soon, but its ok now. it also had me feeling more positive, hopeful.
from imdb:
Plot Outline: A couple (Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet) undergo a procedure to erase each other from their memories when their relationship turns sour, but it is only through the process of loss that they discover what they had to begin with.
after the movie, i switched my phone back on. read a few sms messages and very soon feeling a lot better. still bruised, but better.
"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."
-- Alexander Pope
i don't want to forget. i can and do forgive. i can't hold grudges - i don't remember things long enough. i give people a chance to change, to move on. the benefit of the doubt. i'm probably insanely naive. maturity seems to be the murder not of innocence but of hope. i'm hoping i'm wrong.
goddess, i could do with a drink. and a break.
to mangle a metaphor, today i've had the wind knocked out of my sails and been becalmed in shark infested waters. but i can see clouds ahead, and as the breeze lifts, i hope for land.