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and then i pin down the cause of my unhappiness ...
in a recent reply to a comment, i managed to sum up what's really pissing me off at the moment.
much is happening at the moment that disturbs me deeply ... i can't help feeling like i'm stuck at a railway siding, watching events unfold in quiet desperation, with a sense of growing dread that while i'm not the only one who's concerned about an impending train-wreck, i find myself excluded and unable to do anything about what i see coming.
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they're also amazed that i'm (generally) still hopefull, and keep plugging away.
i'd feel a lot less helpless if i was getting paid to do something useful, rather than having to exists on a pittance because certain people are more interested in their own image than the lives (or not lives) of (real) people.
i'm really, really tempted to start a business/think tank dedicated to problem-solving. gather a bunch of smart, thoguhtful, possibly educated people together and start our own consulting group. i've had it up to hewre with being told how i'm clever, and well-educated, but - gee - "we just don't know what to do with you"™! [i have a business name, structure, and so on already sketched out.]