Learn from the mistakes of others

I think this is definitely an interesting subject to bring up. Myself, I'm fairly open about most things to do with sexuality, despite what some psychiatrists think. *scowls at Dr Bob* So in case you're interested in my two cents...

I think a lot of the attitudes towards this kind of thing is to do with upbringing and ignorance. For example, people condemn anything out of the ordinary because they mistake "I don't like this" with "it's wrong", meaning anything remotely out of the ordinary vanilla is viewed as severely fucked up by a lot of society. And because people don't want to be shunned, it means they don't even talk about anything else in much detail at all either, just in case. It's become a sort of "Don't ask/Don't tell" topic. People are afraid to ask "Is this right, is this normal?" just in case it's not and they're judged for it, even if it's not their fault.

In my own searchings into the area, the 'fucked up' people in the BDSM scene are more likely to have healthy views in this area than people outside, because even if one is beating the other within an inch of their life, the one being beaten has requested it and has firmly stated their limits beforehand, such that anything unwanted is stopped. And anyone who pushes them finds themself alone.

The 'normals' are nowhere near so firm and so the area of consent is much more blurred, and often put their foot down when they've reached their limits. The example in the article,

"He might start to touch her, she moves his hand away. He puts it back. She moves it. He puts it back. She says no. He says she’s so sexy and puts it back. After 15 minutes of this, she’s so distressed and riven with guilt that she stops pushing the hand away. Rape? Not exactly. Consensual sex? Not exactly.

shows exactly that, someone giving in to guilt. And that could have so easily been prevented has she known that there's nothing to be guilty about. But she didn't because people don't talk about sex.

Then there's areas in Rednecksville America where everyone in the tiny town knows the woman with the black eye got it from her husband and not a door, but do nothing because you Don't Talk About These Things.

"And besides, they all get much the same, so it's normal, right? Right? Must be, but I won't ask, just in case it's not. Everyone else does it, it must be alright, or else I deserved it...

If I don't put out for my boyfriend I'm a tease. If I don't try to get it, I'm a wimp. It's what is done. Isn't it? That's what I heard. What I think doesn't matter, what's right for everyone else is right for me. On the other hand sex before marriage is a sin, so I've got to commit a sin here because that's what's done, I'm sure it's what's done. Everyone else does it."

As far as I'm concerned, people need to loosen up and realise that just because they don't like something, doesn't mean it's wrong. Sexuality is subjective. What's a game to one person, a flirtation, can be emotionally equivilent to rape for another. Of course, it's not spoken about cuz sex is a sin, doncha know? And as soon as people actually state their boundaries, they can be enforced, instead of pushed, like in the example I've quoted above from the article. And so, as soon people stop being afraid to talk violence can be more easily prevented. Or caused, for those into that kind of thing.

*rolls eyes* The sheer irony of this whole situation is that it happens in our enlightened age when sex is used to sell everything. It's flaunted yet not spoken about. *snort* Give me the kinksters any day, they seem to have a healthy attitude for those who perform rather uncommon and socially condemned sexual practises.