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maelorin at 03:30am on 13/04/2004
maelorin at 03:30am on 13/04/2004i am not afraid of commitment.
i am afraid of failure. well, no. i'm afraid of embarrassment. stupid, stupid brain.
i'm all with the taking risks, and stuff. but i still shy away from leaping in boots and all and grabbing a risk by the scruff of it's neck and hugging the hell out of it. even when part of me is trying to say 'go for it! what the hell do you have to loose! there's more to gain than loose here!'?
pride.
and that stupid, over analytical part of my brain that just has to get in with the thinking first every time.
i think too much.
oh, and i tend to talk way too much (although i'm much, much better at listening than i used to be - even a year ago.) mouth open, brain in third gear, eyes and ears in neutral.
and for all the thinking i do, i'm still a little slow on the uptake some times. and definitely overly cautious. not a bad thing, but can be frustrating.
i pretty good at being myself. and i'm pretty happy with who i am. i do need to let go a little more and trust myself. perfection isn't necessary, or important.
when i do let go, when i do open up, it's pretty good. no, actually, it feels fucking excellent. its those times that i should be remembering that no one's perfect, and we don't have to be. i can trust my friends, they do accept me as i am. i shouldn't be trying to second guess people all the time [damn brain.]
taking risks is life. safe is not only boring, but ultimately pointless. thankfully i relearned that tonight. and i came this damn close to taking the plunge.
i'll try to act on it as much as i can from now on. next time. definately next time.
after all, i have nothing to loose, and so much to gain. and the worst that could happen is not so bad. really.
[having mistyped the word every time, i'm beginning to think my brain ought to be called brian. dammit.]
i am afraid of failure. well, no. i'm afraid of embarrassment. stupid, stupid brain.
i'm all with the taking risks, and stuff. but i still shy away from leaping in boots and all and grabbing a risk by the scruff of it's neck and hugging the hell out of it. even when part of me is trying to say 'go for it! what the hell do you have to loose! there's more to gain than loose here!'?
pride.
and that stupid, over analytical part of my brain that just has to get in with the thinking first every time.
i think too much.
oh, and i tend to talk way too much (although i'm much, much better at listening than i used to be - even a year ago.) mouth open, brain in third gear, eyes and ears in neutral.
and for all the thinking i do, i'm still a little slow on the uptake some times. and definitely overly cautious. not a bad thing, but can be frustrating.
i pretty good at being myself. and i'm pretty happy with who i am. i do need to let go a little more and trust myself. perfection isn't necessary, or important.
when i do let go, when i do open up, it's pretty good. no, actually, it feels fucking excellent. its those times that i should be remembering that no one's perfect, and we don't have to be. i can trust my friends, they do accept me as i am. i shouldn't be trying to second guess people all the time [damn brain.]
taking risks is life. safe is not only boring, but ultimately pointless. thankfully i relearned that tonight. and i came this damn close to taking the plunge.
i'll try to act on it as much as i can from now on. next time. definately next time.
after all, i have nothing to loose, and so much to gain. and the worst that could happen is not so bad. really.
[having mistyped the word every time, i'm beginning to think my brain ought to be called brian. dammit.]
flirty