Learn from the mistakes of others

tomorrow i face one of the hardest conversations of recent times.

i have to sit down with a friend a talk. i think i'm going to disappoint her mercilessly. and i hate to disappoint people.

but i have to be honest. honest with myself. and honest with her. and perhaps tear a rift between us.

integrity. i have to be true to myself. and damn this is hard.

this stuff used to be easy. or, at least, it didn't mean as much to me.

no, it was easy. i could walk up to someone and tell then what i thought. that was easy.

what i felt was too hard.

now i can tell people what i think, and how i feel. but it's still not easy.

so i guess it means something to me. it matters.

and it is possible that i won't disappoint her. and it's a risk i have to take.

because, once again, she's not the one. and this time i'm going to say so. and not wait to see how things work out.

i really want to get some time with some of my friends, and to figure out just what the hell i want. no. actually i know the answer to that question.

she keeps giving me what i ask for, so i had better start asking for what i really want.

and contemplate writing some poetry for a change.