Learn from the mistakes of others

this is the edited highlights.

it was hard. it was long.

it was.

i learned a lot.

and the introspection goes on.

i can teach. but i'm best when i'm not trying.

i can do practically anything - when i'm not trying.

of course, when i am trying, i tend to fuck it all up.
which sucks, coz when you really want to do well at something - well, you try. don't you.

i know i usually do.

and don't i just go and fuck up. somehow.

of course, it's usually not as bad as i think.
but that doesn't make things any easier at the time - or in the aftermath.


i learned that i care a lot, that i will probably become an excellent teacher coz i care about what i do.
but more importantly, i care about the kids - what they are learning. that they are learning.
that i was having difficulty finding a way to help them learn.

i learned that i have a lot more to learn about practically everything to do with people. and myself.

i learned that i am still tougher than bloody nails.
i can get up every day and put myself through an ongoing ordeal knowing that it will be an ordeal.
and still joke about it along the way.

i am never happier than when i am helping other people do things.
me doing stuff doesn't make me happy. at least, not as happy as helping someone else achieve something.