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maelorin at 11:33pm on 29/06/2005
maelorin at 11:33pm on 29/06/2005i turned my computer off last night for the first time in weeks.
of course, since it's running win xp sp 2, it's been rebooted a few times along the way. but turning it off was quite liberating. nothign in my dl queue, so no real point leaving the thing running.
very liberating feeling to hit the off button and hear the whine of the fan stop.
letting go is always liberating. release. freedom. space from which to examine things afresh.
fear is an interesting thing. it is supposed to help us in times of crisis - fire us into action when we might otherwise sieze up. only, if what we fear is something we cannot run from, fear becomes a recursive loop feeding upon itself.
space. time away. time out. this can grant us the persective needed to let go and be truely free. freedom is something we grant ourselves. it cannot be given. it can be given up, or locked away.
every moment of unutterable happiness that i have ever had have been moments when i've let go and let myself be free. free to just be.
to be me, alive in the moment.
of course, since it's running win xp sp 2, it's been rebooted a few times along the way. but turning it off was quite liberating. nothign in my dl queue, so no real point leaving the thing running.
very liberating feeling to hit the off button and hear the whine of the fan stop.
letting go is always liberating. release. freedom. space from which to examine things afresh.
fear is an interesting thing. it is supposed to help us in times of crisis - fire us into action when we might otherwise sieze up. only, if what we fear is something we cannot run from, fear becomes a recursive loop feeding upon itself.
space. time away. time out. this can grant us the persective needed to let go and be truely free. freedom is something we grant ourselves. it cannot be given. it can be given up, or locked away.
every moment of unutterable happiness that i have ever had have been moments when i've let go and let myself be free. free to just be.
to be me, alive in the moment.
contemplative
(no subject)
Fear is like pain. It's to stop us from doing something silly (again in the case of pain). The normal fear reaction doesn't help us in a time of crisis. After all, what use is adrenaline in a crisis when it causes the hands the hands to shake and the heart to burst (I have the reverse problem of excessive noradenalin production; I don't fall apart until after the crisis has passed).
And the pain is not that we wish to be more human, but less.
that way it all wouldn't hurt so much.
(no subject)
see, being wired up wierd is all it's cracked up to be O_O
i often don't realise there was a crisis; or i have a crisis that no one else recognises coz it's my crisis.
fear, according to a certain person, is the mind-killer, the little death.
methinks it would be more accurate to say that the inability to handle fear constructively is the real problem. fear, of itself, is just an emotion.
of course, i could be way wrong on this, being wired up wierdly - especially emotionwise [or unwise, as the case may be]
i have learned how to push my emotions around to figure out what's going on underneath (turns out, if you can turn the things on and off at will, you can figure out that trick as well)
the pain is what makes us alive, not human per se. other animals feel pain - physical and emotional. it's how we respond that differentiates adults (in part) from children and adolescents. [there are far too many 30, 40, and 50 year old teenagers around]
too much, or too little, pain does warp things somewhat.