Learn from the mistakes of others

i suspect i'm au naturel because i go with the flow and see what i notice ... and then try to go with that ... which turns out to be no more promising than you'd expect - especially when i spend waaay to much time at home ...


i wonder about the hard to get strategy. to me it works once you know that person x is interested and is trying to 'get' you. as an "i'm interested" strategy, i'm not so sure it works so well ...

to me, one of the biggest obstacles in dating and relationships is the unobtainable expectations that many people have - usually derived from romance novels or movies etc. 'popular culture' models of desirability and desired behaviour. meeting the standards of a scripted character are simply impossible. no one can just "know" what to do all the time. these expectations often mean that people don't talk to each other about what they want and expect.

i'm taking about my own experience here, not commenting on anyone elses. i found reading romance novels enlightening as to where certain expectations might come from, and what they might look like form the inside. i gleaned little insight into how i'd be able to duplicate the charmed life of the romance hero. i simply cannot read minds or predict what i should be doing based merely upon my interest in someone else. i have to talk to them - that old sharing and listening routine.

i have tried the hard to get game. i didn't get. later i realised that they probably had no idea that i was actually interested. i probably came across as just odd.

if you actually do play hard to get, does it work? has it worked for you?