posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
maelorin at 11:50pm on 05/06/2004
maelorin at 11:50pm on 05/06/2004i am an aspie, which means that i live with a certain degree of disconnection between how i feel and what i experience. in many ways i am lucky - i am almost "normal". but that can also be a great curse. it is very difficult for most people, even clinicians, to pick up that i am not (so called) "normal".
it can take me hours or days to figure out how i am feeling. that doesn't mean i am not affected by the emotion at the time, however. but i may not have any idea why i am feeling a particular emotion, or more usually, why the way i am acting is at odds with the way i think i'm feeling.
so when it comes to complex emotional stuff, i give myself a few days.
i also give other people a few days.
in my expereince, most people are used to feeling emotions - but not so good on describing or analysing emotions. i allow time to sort it all out before talking about them.
then i go gently. i tend to be a bit rough on my own emotions. they're still new to me in some ways. but i treat other people more kindly. most of the time.
sometimes i'm all aspie and go bargining in and stomping around. i'm only humanoid after all.
sometimes, it's my own emotions that need some tlc. right now, i'm feeling sad. not sure why. a deep, hollow, low feeling of sadness and loss. longing and loniless. i'm not really equiped for this right now. but, fuck, i'm going to have to get through it and try to figure it out.
i could have been triggered by a number of things. in the past few weeks my life has been touched by a suicide/murder, the sudden serious illness of a friend, the death of another, significant stress during my placement, family fun that i still don't understand, and nasty creditors who just don't listen.
in fact, having just written that lot down, i have suddenly realised that i have been been trying to cope with a hell of a lot of shit recently. if you want to know what all the frivolous posts have been about - i guess it has been stress relief. i will probably have more to say later once i've slept on this stuff ...
sad