Learn from the mistakes of others

this week has been a series of surprise meetings, one after the other.

i have run into old friends on the street that i have not seen in years. am making an effort to make sure i don't loose touch with them so quickly now.

i also caught up with someone i haven't spoken to for many months. we had a long chat today, a d&m, over coffee and cake. was wonderful to catch up, and to debrief. we've both been on journeys this year.

as we talked, many things clicked into place for me. i had already had a quick chat with an old acquaintance in the mall, which had begun the wheels turning. during the hour in the coffeeshop, they began to fall into place.

while i am looking for a substantial relationship, i am prepared to experiment. to explore. to try short term arrangements. to let go and just be.

but. and there is a but. i also recognised that i am terrible at starting relationships. that this is something that i need to practice.

i get stage fright, but keep on going - i just never get around to closing the deal and making a decisive move. i am over-cautious, 'safe'.

damn my black, lily-livered heart. time to take a few risks. if i hope for anything, i really ought to go out and try to get it. i fuck up badly enough as it is - i should at least give myself a fighting chance to get the object of my attention.

i have realised that i tend to go on past the point where i ought to leave. the point in the flirting where i should offer my number, and go catch a bus home - while i'm still awake enough to think straight - and leave her feeling good about the possibility of us. leave her feeling that we were interrupted, that i'd like to continue - to keep in touch.

try the whole flirt and leave them wanting more game.

and try to be aware in case she wants to play the game herself. coz i know someone who did, and i didn't grab the opportunity. [:slaps side of head with palm:]

sorry sienna. sorry annie.