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reconnecting. rethinking.
this week has been a series of surprise meetings, one after the other.
i have run into old friends on the street that i have not seen in years. am making an effort to make sure i don't loose touch with them so quickly now.
i also caught up with someone i haven't spoken to for many months. we had a long chat today, a d&m, over coffee and cake. was wonderful to catch up, and to debrief. we've both been on journeys this year.
as we talked, many things clicked into place for me. i had already had a quick chat with an old acquaintance in the mall, which had begun the wheels turning. during the hour in the coffeeshop, they began to fall into place.
while i am looking for a substantial relationship, i am prepared to experiment. to explore. to try short term arrangements. to let go and just be.
but. and there is a but. i also recognised that i am terrible at starting relationships. that this is something that i need to practice.
i get stage fright, but keep on going - i just never get around to closing the deal and making a decisive move. i am over-cautious, 'safe'.
damn my black, lily-livered heart. time to take a few risks. if i hope for anything, i really ought to go out and try to get it. i fuck up badly enough as it is - i should at least give myself a fighting chance to get the object of my attention.
i have realised that i tend to go on past the point where i ought to leave. the point in the flirting where i should offer my number, and go catch a bus home - while i'm still awake enough to think straight - and leave her feeling good about the possibility of us. leave her feeling that we were interrupted, that i'd like to continue - to keep in touch.
try the whole flirt and leave them wanting more game.
and try to be aware in case she wants to play the game herself. coz i know someone who did, and i didn't grab the opportunity. [:slaps side of head with palm:]
sorry sienna. sorry annie.
i have run into old friends on the street that i have not seen in years. am making an effort to make sure i don't loose touch with them so quickly now.
i also caught up with someone i haven't spoken to for many months. we had a long chat today, a d&m, over coffee and cake. was wonderful to catch up, and to debrief. we've both been on journeys this year.
as we talked, many things clicked into place for me. i had already had a quick chat with an old acquaintance in the mall, which had begun the wheels turning. during the hour in the coffeeshop, they began to fall into place.
while i am looking for a substantial relationship, i am prepared to experiment. to explore. to try short term arrangements. to let go and just be.
but. and there is a but. i also recognised that i am terrible at starting relationships. that this is something that i need to practice.
i get stage fright, but keep on going - i just never get around to closing the deal and making a decisive move. i am over-cautious, 'safe'.
damn my black, lily-livered heart. time to take a few risks. if i hope for anything, i really ought to go out and try to get it. i fuck up badly enough as it is - i should at least give myself a fighting chance to get the object of my attention.
i have realised that i tend to go on past the point where i ought to leave. the point in the flirting where i should offer my number, and go catch a bus home - while i'm still awake enough to think straight - and leave her feeling good about the possibility of us. leave her feeling that we were interrupted, that i'd like to continue - to keep in touch.
try the whole flirt and leave them wanting more game.
and try to be aware in case she wants to play the game herself. coz i know someone who did, and i didn't grab the opportunity. [:slaps side of head with palm:]
sorry sienna. sorry annie.
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the whole "oh my goddess! what do i do now" thing just doesn't occur to women [not in my recent experience, anyway] ...
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and more often more obvious than the so called 'neurotypicals' ;P
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I watched my sister & mother toy with men.
I vowed I wouldn't do it.
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:contemplates:
:tries uber jedi mind trick:
damn. i just remembered. jedi can't teleport!
not even the bad ones. er, the naughty ones. them sith types.
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Does the other two work?
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and the jedi mind-tricks work for short-range, mind-trick stuff.
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i'm going out tonight. if i get the opportunity, i'm gonna try something new. dunno what yet. but it'll be new.